the ConCord ClassiC originally published on March 2, 1984 Expose: Anatomy of an all-nighter AKOH 1:00 (a.m.): Set forth on paper 5:00: Set forth on paper not with new resolve. so much with new resolve as Most students have a simple and with panic. 1:01: Getting sleepy. direct method of approaching 7:00: Finally finished. Take a papers, part of which can be termed 1:30: Do 250 jumping jacks. shower. Phase 1 (worrying about the paper Renewed blood rushes through for two months but never actually your invigorated body. You 8:00: Paper is due at 9:00 class, are ALIVE! The world is at your decide to rest a few minutes. doing anything about it). You, command. however, have done so exceedingly 2:00 (p.m.): Overslept. Teacher well with Phase 1 that it is now too 1:35: Fall asleep. accepts paper late, knocking off late to initiate Phase 2 (finding a letter grade. You explicitly thank somebody else’s paper and copying 2:30: Set forth on paper with him for his compassion (out of even newer resolve. hearing range, of course), adding it). It’s night, and you’ve got a paper a few graphic body gestures for due tomorrow. Welcome to College. 4:00: Go to Pic-Pac for some good measure. Start worrying No-Doz. Woof down the equivalent about paper due next month. 9:00 (p.m.): You start. of 24 cups of coffee. Mind is Re-enter Phase 1. suddenly razor-sharp. Any problem 10:00: You write your first sentence. is childsplay. 10:30: You check your first sentence 4:15: Body is a nervous wreck. for style, clarity, and grammatical Have to go to the bathroom every errors. ten seconds. Typing skills rapidly deteriorating. Have all the physical 11:00: You write your second sen- benefits of a hangover without tence, marveling at how well it having to go through any of the meshes with the concepts put forth tedious drinking and having fun in the first sentence and the soon to this usually entails. Your sleeping written introduction. Decide you roommate’s dandruff keeps loudly deserve a study break. Play Trivial crashing into his pillow, driving Pursuit for two hours. you into a homicidal frenzy from which you never fully recover. You take two more No-Doz. AKOH is a commentary of life at Bellarmine. It is meant to be of a satirical nature and therefore hopefully non-offensive to all. winter 2013 9
WINTER2013_BELLARMINE MAG
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